Chicago (6/23.15)

I wish we could go to Chicago together
A rare place I’ve been that you haven’t (yet)

If I hadn’t hurt us as I did, by this time next year we might have…

I love the Chicago thunderstorms, the powerful rain and the wind and the wicked-looking lightning

And I want(ed) to watch and share your first experience, with the storms and the city itself; a treat for me because it’s always been the other way around, and most of all because I love you
(Though I don’t know and don’t know if I want to know what you thought/think about that lack in me)

While it stormed in the city, I wanted to share with you the storm inside me bearing your name, one as powerfulas that outside, show you the surge of energy and exaltation in creation and share that with you

And hopefully instead of destruction the brewing storm in me would transmit to you, become a two-way surge,

We’d become a circuit and the electricity you brew in me would manifest-
(It might shock you at first but I was Static and you like to feel electric)
-paying homage to Zeus, Poseidon and Lady Aphrodite

Chicago is the one full dead daydream that I can remember, and I’m sad and glad I have it, because I can’t delude myself about any aspect of it,

Even if I wanted to, since I have lost the ability and have neither hope nor reason for daydreaming nor dagdrøm fuel. I know in my head it’ll be better for us both, that I don’t do those things. In order to let you be, as I must

One day in this reality, when you finally get to the city of bricks and jazz and thunderstorms you will have an untainted place all your own, because you will never know (unless you find this, but then for your sake you may forget)
what I wanted to share with you in Chicago


Have you ever written a letter you knew you could never mail but you needed to write it anyway?

Sometimes I give good advice. I wish I could follow it…

Take slow, deep breaths. Even if the probability of failure is legitimate and non-hyperbolic, and you are making yourself anxious and stressing yourself out and you can’t stop that cycle, you are only dying metaphorically from it on the inside. You will not actually die because of it. You will have your F’s but regardless, after that deadline has passed, so too shall this. You will spend the time immediately after purging and forgetting as long as possible ‘til you must face the consequences, but it will be easier. Accept that you effed up on this one area, but move on and put it out of your mind so you can make sure to do what you can to not mess up what you can do in the now. Take those deep breaths. Empty the mind. Take a few minutes and utilize tabula rosa.

The time for lament and anguish should not have been just now. Do without thinking, suppress for now, and revisit later. You will thus give yourself a bit less anguish for later. Move on, and breathe.

Standout Quotes #1

The Book Thief by Markus Zusak

*Page numbers will be included when I have the time to go back and comb through.*

  • “I wanted to explain that I am constantly overestimating and underestimating the human race– that rarely do I ever simply estimate it.”
  • “Together, they would watch everything that was so carefully planned collapse, and they would all smile at the beauty of destruction.”
  • “I guess humans like to watch a little destruction. Sand castles, houses of cards, that’s where they begin. Their great skill is their capacity to escalate.”
  • “War clearly blurred the distinction between logic and superstition.”
  • “…although there was a good portion of guilt, there was also the juvenile trace of laughter. As she rode, she tried to tell herself something. You don’t deserve to be this happy, Liesel. You really don’t. Can a person steal happiness? Or is it just another internal, infernal human trick?”
  • “The toy soldier was buried in the dirt, not far from Tommy Muller’s place. It was scratched and trodden, which, to Liesel, was the whole point. Even with injury, it could still stand up.”
  • “Liesel was exercising the blatant right of every person who’s ever belonged to a family. It’s all very well for such a person to whine and moan and criticize other family members, but they won’t let anyone else do it. That’s when you get your back up and show loyalty.”
  • “Standing above him at all moments of awakeness was the hand of time, and it didn’t hesitate to wring him out. It smiled and squeezed and let him live. What great malice there could be in allowing something to live.”
  • “Of course, I’m being rude. I’m spoiling the ending, not only of the entire book, but of this particular piece of it. I have given you two events in advance, because I don’t have much interest in building mystery. Mystery bores me. It chores me. I know what happens and so do you. It’s the machinations that wheel us there that aggravate, perplex, interest, and astound me.”
  • “With a clean-shaven face and lopsided yet neatly combed hair, he had walked out of that building a new man. In fact, he walked out German. Hang on a second, he WAS German. Or more to the point, he HAD been.”
  • “You can do all manner of underhanded nice things when you have a caustic reputation.”
  • She walked over and did it again, this time much slower, with her hand facing forward, allowing the dough of her palm to feel the small hurdle of each book. It felt like magic, like beauty, as bright lines of light shone down from a chandelier. Several times, she almost pulled a title from its place but didn’t dare disturb them. They were too perfect.

  • “Was he really a coward, as his son had so brutally pointed out? Certainly, in World War I, he considered himself one. He attributed his survival to it. But then, is there cowardice in the acknowledgement of fear? Is there cowardice in being glad that you lived?”

  • “The human child- so much cannier at times than the stupefyingly ponderous adult.”

  • “That’s the sort of thing I’ll never know, or comprehend– what humans are capable of.”

  • “When she came to write her story, she would wonder exactly when the books and the words started to mean not just something, but everything.”

    I say His name in a futile attempt to understand. “But it’s not your job to understand.” That’s me who answers. God never says anything. You think you’re the only one he never answers? “Your job is to…” And I stop listening to me, because to put it bluntly, I tire me. When I start thinking like that, I become so exhausted, and I don’t have the luxury of indulging fatigue. I’m compelled to continue on, because although it’s not true for every person on earth, it’s true for the vast majority– that death waits for no man– and if he does, he doesn’t usually wait very long.



I’ve seen so many young men
over the years who think they’re
running at other men.
They are not.
They’re running at me.


Standout Quotes

Whilst reading or after having just completed a book , I like to type out quotes that particularly “stood out” to me. This habit of mine is often helpful when I want to go back and review a book, or if I need to write an essay. I also find that reviewing standout quotes, either in content or by their quantity, can add to the enjoyment of a book. For instance, they remind me of what I like most about a story, or if I didn’t enjoy a book, perhaps present topics I want to/should think about more deeply or critically. Either way, they tend to be excellent for discussion. I hope you may find this series of posts may serve you just as well as for me.