Confession/Reflection 2/27/14

“Oh, when your heart releases, you won’t fall to pieces. You’ll let those old diseases lie. Oh, and your heart releases. You won’t fall to pieces. And your breath comes crashing in like perfect porcelain.”
– Marianas Trench

This is the quote that one day I plan to have tattooed across my arms, because it is that significant to me. In autumn of 2012, I had an emotional breakdown in a semi-public area, yet was entirely ignored by the few people passing by— and I was scaring myself and didn’t know what to do, which just escalated the outburst. I don’t remember how but I physically calmed down enough to get home, where I then tried to mentally calm down, and used music as a distraction to that end. So it’s bittersweet, because I’ve always loved his music, and still have happy feelings hearing and singing it, but at the same time, Rob Thomas was the soundtrack to my sadness and madness. Yet also in a saving way, for it helped me cry and release my pain, and later served as a comfort to calm me down.

But a few days later, this lyric from “Porcelain” really stood out to me. These words encourage me, that when I ever get near that point of hopelessness and misery again— because I managed to get myself going on my own that last time it happened— I will be able to get past it. I will not “fall to pieces” but rather “let those old diseases lie”.
These lyrics tell me that even if I return to that level of despair, I cannot be irreparably broken, and through this knowledge, these words also serve as my resolution, making me more determined to keep up the battle, so that I won’t let anything make me feel that forlorn ever again.

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