What IS flirting? (10/21/14)

Today another girl commented that she thought a boy I had liked (she doesn’t know I liked him, and he doesn’t either) likes me! So my grounds for thinking that earlier weren’t entirely delusional! Such a relief. Oh, if only that could be! But I told her, “No, he has a girlfriend.” Then she said, “Oh, maybe he’s flirty then…? Nah.” which I took as a general statement but still she looked pointedly at me when saying that…so is she implying that he’s flirty just toward me?

You see, I hadn’t known him for very long anyway but found him attractive both as a person and physically as well (which has never happened to me before) so I wanted to get to know him for a few months and then maybe ask him out. But I gave that up as soon as he mentioned he has a girlfriend. I didn’t know him too well anyway, so it didn’t take me too long to get over my initial tiny disappointment; and this person is nice and interesting and cool still so that being friends only with them is enough.

But a thing about me is that I tend to tease people all the time even without knowing their relationship status/gender/sexuality, because I automatically consider all acquaintances and friendships default platonic. Like when I tease people I’m making light fun and I tend to call them “fool” and such. I feel like flirting is a kind of teasing but with intended underlying romantic/sexual undertones, and that in order to be flirting you must be consciously deciding to do it. Therefore to my knowledge I am never flirting with anyone, I am just teasing people in a joking manner.

For by my own definition I have only been teasing in fun; but now I wonder, by others’/society’s definitions, have I been flirting with him (and everyone else I know) without knowing it? I ask this question because several times in the past, when by my perspective I was just teasing people, others have said that I was flirting. But I couldn’t see how. So apparently my ideas about the concept are different from the norm. Thus I don’t entirely trust my judgement, since I don’t seem to have much natural intuition.

Anyway, because he has a girlfriend, and due to my own default to jovially tease people within the allowances of the realm of platonic friendship, as soon as I learned of his girlfriend I’d dismissed the idea that he was interested in me in any way other than platonic. I just thought he was teasing me in the manner in which I tend to tease people. Therefore I’ve been taking his teasing as just straightforward joking, but now I’m questioning: is what I thought of as him teasing me- is it actually him trying to flirt toward me?
And does he think I am or have been flirting with him? I wonder about that especially because comparatively I actually haven’t teased him to nearly the amount I usually do toward everyone else I meet.

I would love to hear anyone’s ideas on the definitions of and differences between friendly teasing and flirting. I would appreciate clarification and perspective on this, so would anyone care to enlighten this poor oblivious soul? Please feel free to send me your thoughts through here in any way you’re comfortable with. Thank you!

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s