A Real Partner

Because of my real-life experiences, I have real-life things I just have to uphold. I’ve had really messy and painful relationships before and I want to be realistic but also want to protect & respect myself. Also, although the outline below seems pretty strict, I think I’ve left room for flexibility, you know?

Requirements:

  • RESPECT FOR ALL PEOPLE/THINGS
  • NO HABITUAL DRUGS NOR SMOKING either please
  • Minor gambling (w/friends, or during vacation) permissible
    • basically means let’s not get into debt or leverage impt. things like house, car, etc.
  • Minimal-moderate drinking permissible
    • minimal= mostly at special occasions (ex: holidays, BBQs, weddings)
    • moderate= weekends generally? Essentially, drinking w/o getting hella drunk
    • *Just, no need to be hella drunk, or even always drunk, when drinking. I figure (dunno though, no personal experience) it’s possible to do that and still enjoy it. Or at most, can sometimes be drunk, but I don’t want to (nor think I should have to, if known from the start) deal with an alcoholic, so yes.
  • Smart; if smarter than me, never intentionally makes me feel stupid or uses it against me.
  • Not a player. Talk to me, I may be way more flexible or open to things than I seem. But I can’t handle player-related insecurity, so just talking about things would be easier and better for both of us.
  • Doesn’t ridicule my fears/insecurities/anxieties
  • Doesn’t ridicule things I enjoy or condescendingly dismiss them as a phase
  • Can understand & respect need for balancing our relationship & friendships— i.e., we of course can share but also be able to have/do separate things w/friends sometimes
  • ***But of course, loves me most aside from parents, siblings, and children, as those are incomparable positions. Like, I would never ask, “Who do you love more, me or your parents?” Among incomparable positions is life partner (if we are at that stage), so in that case, that position must be incontestably mine.
    • The reasons I am held in this position should be me-specific (i.e. “you’re pretty, nice, etc.” doesn’t suffice b/c that applies to a zillion people). I don’t like to be a “testing/prove it” kind of person, but nothing’s good for either party if you don’t have any specific reasons to pick one person over any other.
  • Has (or is working on, I’ll be fair b/c I don’t have many myself at the moment) practical skills—house/tools, finances, that kind of thing. Enough combined with my skills (or lack thereof) so we can at least survive decently without trouble
  • Appropriate sense of competition/sportsmanship (no actual rage/anger over games)
  • Gets along w/his own family, or at least really tries—underneath difficulties, they all love each other (?). No hatred, no hatred please. At minimum, can be civil with them.
  • Truly likes & tries to get along with my family
  • Social, without being unmanagably socially ignorant.
    • Basically don’t be rude if you actually know better. PLEASE have tact!
  • Serious when appropriate, but has (unhurtful) sense of humor
  • Basic hygiene— please be a decent human by showering & brushing your teeth, ok?