A Real Partner

Because of my real-life experiences, I have real-life things I just have to uphold. I’ve had really messy and painful relationships before and I want to be realistic but also want to protect & respect myself. Also, although the outline below seems pretty strict, I think I’ve left room for flexibility, you know?

Requirements:

  • RESPECT FOR ALL PEOPLE/THINGS
  • NO HABITUAL DRUGS NOR SMOKING either please
  • Minor gambling (w/friends, or during vacation) permissible
    • basically means let’s not get into debt or leverage impt. things like house, car, etc.
  • Minimal-moderate drinking permissible
    • minimal= mostly at special occasions (ex: holidays, BBQs, weddings)
    • moderate= weekends generally? Essentially, drinking w/o getting hella drunk
    • *Just, no need to be hella drunk, or even always drunk, when drinking. I figure (dunno though, no personal experience) it’s possible to do that and still enjoy it. Or at most, can sometimes be drunk, but I don’t want to (nor think I should have to, if known from the start) deal with an alcoholic, so yes.
  • Smart; if smarter than me, never intentionally makes me feel stupid or uses it against me.
  • Not a player. Talk to me, I may be way more flexible or open to things than I seem. But I can’t handle player-related insecurity, so just talking about things would be easier and better for both of us.
  • Doesn’t ridicule my fears/insecurities/anxieties
  • Doesn’t ridicule things I enjoy or condescendingly dismiss them as a phase
  • Can understand & respect need for balancing our relationship & friendships— i.e., we of course can share but also be able to have/do separate things w/friends sometimes
  • ***But of course, loves me most aside from parents, siblings, and children, as those are incomparable positions. Like, I would never ask, “Who do you love more, me or your parents?” Among incomparable positions is life partner (if we are at that stage), so in that case, that position must be incontestably mine.
    • The reasons I am held in this position should be me-specific (i.e. “you’re pretty, nice, etc.” doesn’t suffice b/c that applies to a zillion people). I don’t like to be a “testing/prove it” kind of person, but nothing’s good for either party if you don’t have any specific reasons to pick one person over any other.
  • Has (or is working on, I’ll be fair b/c I don’t have many myself at the moment) practical skills—house/tools, finances, that kind of thing. Enough combined with my skills (or lack thereof) so we can at least survive decently without trouble
  • Appropriate sense of competition/sportsmanship (no actual rage/anger over games)
  • Gets along w/his own family, or at least really tries—underneath difficulties, they all love each other (?). No hatred, no hatred please. At minimum, can be civil with them.
  • Truly likes & tries to get along with my family
  • Social, without being unmanagably socially ignorant.
    • Basically don’t be rude if you actually know better. PLEASE have tact!
  • Serious when appropriate, but has (unhurtful) sense of humor
  • Basic hygiene— please be a decent human by showering & brushing your teeth, ok?

A Dream Partner

Before anyone else can say it: I know the majority of these things are picky or rather unrealistic. Part of the reason for making this list is so I can check myself. Besides, this is a dream list.

This list originated years ago and is of course under semi-frequent revision. Some things are subject to change probably. ‘Cause people increasingly ask me about it so it’s been on my mind. I’d be interested to hear any comments, especially regarding what seems reasonable and what’s too out there! I always appreciate perspective.
So, for my potential (likely hypothetical for the following reasons) significant other:

Somewhat important/necessary:

  • Well, I’m 99.5% sure, and comfortable, with my assessment that I’m cishet (cisgendered =identify with birth gender; het = from heterosexual). But I’ve never been asked out by any girl, so that’s why there’s the remaining 0.5%. I’ll leave it open because I won’t know until I’m faced with it, right? Though I trust my intuition. So preference is male.
  • Does not have become seriously angry in relation to the performance of professional sports teams.
  • Is smart but isn’t condescending to people who are just not as intelligent. Extra points if enjoys & is nice about teaching things. Esp. if smarter than me.
  • Patient, for the reason above.
  • Has a minimal amount of hypocrisy (as I know all humans are to some extent, including myself)
  • Is mostly ok with my lack of participating in PDA
  • Enjoys travel, books, BBC, superheros, anime/cosplay, and music. Bonus for the ability to sing or play an instrument. I’m a sucker for that. But that’s not a requirement, just easier for an interested party. Not like there are any though
  • No tree or ground nut allergies, specifically peanuts. I know it’s a little unfair but TBH, I’ve lived most of my life w/o romantic relationships, but living w/o peanut butter is beyond my imagination. It’d be the biggest shock of my life to find someone I’d give up peanut butter for. I think I have the capability, but really it’d be a boon if that wasn’t necessary. I suppose that would be a sign of true love (I’m half-joking here)

It would be cool but not necessary:

  • My height minimum? I think that’s fair, I’m 5’4″….Is it unfair? This is just a preference list
  • Hair neat when awake & about the public. At least not constantly a rat’s nest.
  • Doesn’t mind too much my lack of creativity
  • Captures or otherwise deals with bugs for me when I just can’t. Specifically spiders & roaches, I’m sorry. I know men can be creeped out by bugs too. I will try my best. “Deals” doesn’t have to be killing —if they wanna catch spiders and release them outside instead of killing them, kudos to them— but I don’t care as long as bugs are not in my house
  • Travel somewhere new for a vacation every three-ish years or so. Even if it’s just the next town over.
  • Spontaneous (somewhat) & affectionate
    • although a warning, I’m shy at being involved in PDA
  • Willing to try new things, but not too pushy